For those of us who are socially conscious, it’s difficult (sometimes impossible) to not see the pattern of unfair control that people in power have over minorities.
But for every marginalized person whose humanity has been acknowledged, respected and equalized, there are just as many who remain trapped in a cycle of subjugation.
Mixed race women are one of them.
I am not, under any circumstances, saying that mixed race women (and other non-amended minorities) are hopeless victims. Nor am I saying that every single one of their multidimensional livelihoods are treated as such.
Like many women of all races, the romantic and sexual autonomy of mixed race women has not been taken kindly. Misogyny and racism team up in a violent attempt to conserve bigoted social constructions. Despite the pain and humiliation this has caused me, I am grateful to understand this as oppression and resist it accordingly. If you do not, that’s okay! That is why I wrote this article- to help others become aware and push back so that we can arrive at our final destination of justice.
On that note, here are five common ways that police the intimate lives of mixed race women and why they are troubling:
1) Pressuring/Forcing Them to Be Attracted to/ Intimate With Another Mixed Race Person With the Exact Same Racial Makeup
Not only does this promote racial segregation, but it also disrespects what mixed race girls and women actually want if it is not intimacy with another mixed race person who has the same racial admixture.
2) Pressuring/Forcing Them to Be Attracted to/Intimate with Monoracial Minorities that the Mixed Race Woman Is Only Partially Racially Similiar To
This erases and invalidates mixed race women by lumping them in with people who are completely what they are fractionally.
3) Assuming They are Lesbian if They Are Not Attracted To Men Who Are/Appear To Be Partially or Completely “Like Them”
This is especially problematic because it operates under the ridiculous conviction that all people are ONLY attracted to other people who are the opposite sex and same race. If this line of thought is disproved in any way shape or form, a mixed race woman (as well as many other kinds of people who “challenge” the “status-quo”), is instantly branded as a monosexual lesbian. As if multiracial attraction is impossible for heteros. Major exceptions are cis-het white men attracted Asian women (considered “normal”) and heterosexual white women of all gender identities who are attracted to ethnic men (considered “abnormal”).
4) Assuming They Don’t Have A Love/Sex Life Because of their Real and/or Perceived Racial Makeup and Are Distressed About It
This one is self explanatory. Kinda insulting, huh?
5) Believing That Any Sort of Intimate Contact with Another Person Who Is/Appears to be Racially Adjacent to Them Is the Answer to All of Their Real and/or Perceived Problems
To quote the great Michael Stipe, “everybody hurts.” In many places around the world, people (most often cis-gendered women) are told that if they fall in love, get married and have children, they will never hurt again. Some restrictions may apply. Please see people who meet your society’s definition of “normal” for details.
Identicalness is not a requirement for deep human connection because all human beings are different. Some differences are complementary. Others are irreconcilable. Regardless, human bonding is not necessary for survival. Humans are a highly evolved species who live on a planet that’s running out of room. We will not become extinct if we don’t socialize with people who are “just like us.”
So whether a mixed race woman prefers to alone or with others, her way of socializing is not monolith. Please try to understand this.